Sunday, March 21, 2010

I Hate Twilight – 1

I felt the bed and I move up and down; confused I looked up from my pillow only to have some plastic item shoved in my face. I kicked my sister’s legs until I heard a satisfying thud. I turned around, falling back to sleep when the brat started to talk.
“Phoebe, get up,” my sister Amanda wined.
“Get lost, I’m sleeping,” I commanded.
“But you’re talking.”
“I sleep talk. Now, get lost!”
“But, but— but it’s one in the afternoon.”
“You’re point being?”
“Fine then, we will not watch the new film mum just bought us.”
“Ok, ok I’m up. Out so I can get dressed.”
When I heard the door shut I stumbled out of bed, trying my hardest not to trip over the clothes scattered over my dark purple carpet.
I walked into the shower after stripping off. My day was not good so far, as I washed in freezing cold water, seeing as someone had used up all the hot water. After cursing my eldest sister Cindy and drying off, I walked back into my room with only a towel around me. As I was stupid enough not to bring clothes with me, I walked into my closet and decided to wear my neon green skinny jeans, with a red shirt saying: ‘why vampires and werewolves, when zombies are the shit!’ I laughed a little reading my shirt, whilst putting on my bangles, and lastly inserting my lip ring and earrings.
Walking down the stairs, the aroma of chocolate chip pancakes tempted me, making my stomach growl like a hungry lion. Upon reaching the kitchen I spotted Cindy about to consume her pancakes, when I thought of a way to get her back for using all the hot water. I dived in and snatched the plate before she managed to pick one up with her fork.
“What the hell, Phoebe!”
“Serves you right for using all the hot water,” I said, sticking my tongue out at her.
“You what—?!” Mum bellowed.
Giggling, I stuffed the yummy goodness into my mouth. I straightened up once finishing, and placed my plate in the sink.
I walked into the living room, only to stumble upon Amanda sitting on the floor looking at me with an innocent expression. I suddenly became frightened. Amanda glanced behind her and nodded.
Slowly, I turned to see Cindy glaring at me evilly, rope in hands. But what made me even more scared was the Twilight DVD my mum held in her well manicured hands. With a gulp I ran for the stairs, just to run into Melody, Cindy’s best friend.
I felt myself being lifted up and placed onto a chair. I turned to see my dad looking at me sympathetically, but I just glared. As soon as my small butt hit the chair, a rope was wrapped around me so I couldn’t escape. The rope was also around my hands and legs.
“You traitor!” I yelled at my dad.
“I’m sorry,” he pleaded, “But if I have to put up with it, then you do too.”
“But it’s Twilight, I’ll die!”
They just ignored me, turned the TV on and pressed ‘play’. I was laughing on the inside, suckers I thought, before I fell asleep during the previews.
I felt myself being shaken, so I woke up smiling.
I said, “So now that the ‘movie’ is over, I can go shoot myself, right?”
“No. You’ve only been asleep for five minutes.”
“Why do you hate me God? Why? What did I do wrong... oh wait ... yeah, well I’m sorry about the time I flushed Cindy’s Barbie down the toilet, but it was glaring at and plotting against me, I swear, And the time I took Amanda’s flip-flops and ran about with them on my head at the skate park, then sold them. But other than that, what have I done wrong—” I got cut off by Amanda and Cindy shouting ‘what?’
I looked around noticing that Melody was not here, but much to my displeasure, she returned and—oh joy—had duck tape with her... what is she... NO!
“Now hold still,” Cindy instructed in a sickly sweet voice as she taped my eyelids open.
“Hey, this is child cruelty, help!” I yelled.
“Don’t you think this is a bit too much?” Dad asked.
“NO,” all the girls replied.
“Why God, why?” I whispered.
As the film started, I let out a moan of disgust, and said such things as: “Why would you want some fag who sparkles? I mean come one, he’s not even that good-looking.” “Ha-ha looks like someone just shot his puppy, it was probably me.” “Gosh, why doesn’t he just get over himself and bite the bitch?” And plenty of other things like that throughout the movie, which earned my being grounded for a month on behalf of insulting Mum’s precious Edward Cullen.
“Now that the film’s over, can I go shoot myself?”
Everyone just sat there talking about how good the film was.
“Well, someone untie me!”
Once I was untied, I stomped up to my bedroom.

4 lovely rave reviews:

Anonymous said...

Hey! Visiting from Blaizes blog! Great story! My nephew sat through Twilight making "Pretty" jokes like "The Pretty" was a supernatural force. It was pretty funny!

Anonymous said...

Yay I am your first follower!!!

I linked you up at my blog to get you some more readers! Best of luck to you!

KrippledWarrior said...

Christiejolu sent me. I can't stand the new romantic vampire and werewolf garbage either. I'll be back.
Good job young sister.

ツ♥Maly™♥ said...

wow your a great writter you had me hooked by the second sentance :D
I love that you made her Ella I love that name...